On Twitter, there is a hashtag for #notok, started by @kellyoxford. It was started to get women telling their stories about when they were sexually assaulted.
It's very interesting and made me think about my life...
While I have never been raped or drugged against my will, it made me think about some situations I found myself in and never really thought much about it. Most of them I have written off as young and dumb and putting myself in situations where I should not have been,
Growing up we lived on a busy highway, and a lot of vehicles went by. In the summer my sister and I mowed the lawn, there wasn't a time that went by that we did not get honked at by some old creepy truck driver who liked seeing us in our swimsuits or short shorts. It was the 80's. Looking back now, I know it was #notok, but being 13, it was flattering knowing that older men found me hot.
When I was 14, I spent a lot of time at the skating rink and met a lot of people. Most that I considered friends, there was this one guy that was cute but he always seemed like a player so I would never date him. One day I was at the mall with some friends and all of a sudden someone came up behind me and grabbed my hips and bit my ass. It left a bruise and hurt for days. I turned around and smacked him. I laughed it off at the time but I know that it was #notok. How dare he think he could do that.
When I was 15, my mom let me go to the county fair with a family friend. He started coming around to see my older sister, he was a few years older than my sister, so that made him about 6 years older than me, but my mom and dad really liked him and he was like an older brother to me. (He still is) But on this night we went to the fair on his motorcycle and when we were leaving he told me I had to give him a kiss or he wouldn't give me a ride home. I was worried I would be stuck 15 miles from home with no way to call my parents for a ride and I didn't want to let them know what he said. So I kissed him. It was a nice kiss but weird too, I mean I considered him a brother, but it started being the norm if we went anywhere. Kisses are all it was, but it was a bribe to take me back home every time. I knew it was #notok but he was like family. We are still friends and I adore him. We have discussed it and he said he was a creep and that he was glad I never let him go further.
At 15, I was home sick from school one day (I had started my period) and a friend had missed the bus and was walking to school. He saw my car at home and stopped to see if I was there and if he could get a ride. When I told him I wasn't going he stayed there with me, we watched TV and hung out and made out a little and at one point we were wrestling around and he held me on the floor and (I don't know what it is called) but he used a knuckle on his finger and tapped on my chest and told me to name 10 candy bars. I don't know about you, but in that situation where you can't get away and you are struggling against someone you lose the ability to think and I was panicking. I had a bruise on my chest above my breasts about the size of a grapefruit. I remember starting to cry and begging him to let me go. I was so angry. He left and I don't think I have ever talked to him again. That was #notok, I felt so hopeless. At the time I was angry that he did that, but I now know it could have been so much worse if he had wanted it to be. I believe it is this that causes me to have some anxiety issues.
When I was 23, I frequented a little bar. I made friends with all of the bartenders and bouncers. There was this group of Mexicans (that could not speak English very well) that went in on the weekends, One of them would never leave me alone and one night I had, had enough of him groping me and told the bouncer I was leaving. When I went outside, this guy followed me and was begging me to stay and kiss him and he was still trying to grope me. I went back inside and asked the bouncer to walk me to my car. He did and I never saw those guys at the bar again. But, I think about what if I had not gone back inside and tried to ignore the guy who would not take NO for an answer.
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