What happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say...Don't say anything at all"?

I grew up hearing this...my mom preached it to us. There were stretches where my older sister wouldn't talk for weeks and when we would ask why she would say "I didn't have anything nice to say"

Those days are gone... I think they disappear when you hit 18 and you don't have to listen to your mom anymore. I think everyone needs to step back and remember those words.

There are a few key topics I keep hearing about in the media - everyone's panties are in a twist - and if yours aren't, then you know someone who's are. We all know someone who feels strongly about something and they really like to push it on everyone else.

Two of those topics are:
Gay Marriage
The Confederate Flag

Gay Marriage

If they are not forcing you to watch or be in the bedroom with them, Why should this matter? I know what the bible says - but if you cannot argue your point without throwing what the bible says in, then I don't want to hear it. I want to know what YOU see wrong with it...without mention of the bible or scripture. I know how God felt.

Two men or two women getting married is not going to invalidate your vows or marriage - if it does - then maybe you need to be looking at your marriage instead of telling someone else they can't do it.

Marriage IMO - is not a RIGHT - it is an honor and a privilege. That is something no one should be able to take away from someone else that is willing to commit themselves to another. It is an honor to be able to marry the person you love.

I want everyone to have the same opportunities as any straight couple. Shared healthcare, shared taxes - you know all those things that you need that little piece of paper to do. Who are you to say they shouldn't?

Bible aside - what if someone told you - You cannot marry someone with the same eye color as you (or you could only marry someone with the same eye color). You can't change your eye color because you were born with those genes - you have no control over it, right? Then how is it fair to keep people who were born gay to not be married? You were born straight - I was born straight - I knew from the start I liked boys (and the number of times I got caught playing chase/kiss around the trees in elementary school was a sure sign). I knew - I liked boys and as I grew older - I liked MEN.
Being gay is not a disease - it is not transferred by touch or breathing the same air, and not every gay man is automatically attracted to every other man. Just like every man is not attracted to every woman. Everyone has a personal preference!

The Confederate Flag

I am from the South - Born in Texas, raised in Texas and New Mexico. Maybe they teach things different in the South - I grew up watching Gone With The Wind and wishing I was more like Scarlett O'Hara! I grew watching The Dukes of Hazard and thinking "Damn, Bo Duke is fine!" I never associated the flag on their car with slavery or my 'of color' friends - but maybe that's because I'm white. What's that called "White Privilege" or some BS term.

I don't consider myself racist  - I'm sure I've said racist things - or things that could be considered racist, after all I'm not allowed to be proud and white. I'm not even allowed to be white - I get to be Caucasian or color challenged.

I don't believe the Confederate flag is the problem - If you can allow a piece of material to have so much hold over your life, maybe you need therapy. None of us that are alive today were slaves, none of us were slave owners. You are not being oppressed because of something that happened to your ancestors - just like I am not some rich plantation owner in the South like my ancestors.
The fact that people today feel that they have any right to be offended by a flag that did nothing to them is sickening. It's a piece of material.

Does the flag represent heritage? I don't see how...I think it represents sticking it to the man - being rebellious - Look at Bo and Luke Duke - they were rebels - but never once in any of the episodes do I remember them being racist. They were southern boys who were rebellious and sticking up for what they believed in . That is how I view the Confederate flag.

Wrong - quite possibly - I see things everyday that I don't like - I don't like sleeveless shirts on overweight men, I don't like seeing ass crack on anyone, or wanna be thugs with their underwear hanging out - do I throw a hissy fit and demand for those people to be sent packing? No I either voice my opinion and walk away or I walk away.

Everyone is so sensitive today - Maybe its all the drugs that everyone is on anymore. We've made a nation of sissy's - Everyone is offended, no one is happy - no one wants to be accountable for their own actions - they all want to place blame somewhere else - "oh my life sucks because my ancestors were slaves... "
Did anyone ever think that maybe 'Your life is what you make it' - If you are allowing your life to suck - you have no one to blame but yourself.

Why don't we all pick a soapbox that actually matters - maybe feeding the hungry in our country - or making sure that the kids in the system or that are homeless actually have a real home to go to everyday.

Come on people - One Nation...

Participation vs. Winning

*** Edited March 2015 ***

I love watching my kids do anything they enjoy - currently my youngest and last at home is into hockey - he loves it. 
The team does something that drives me crazy though and seems a little disrespectful - but I think I am the only parent who sees it that way. Whether they are playing at home or away, whether they win or lose, at the end of the game they all go to the middle of the ice and 'celebrate'  banging their sticks on the ice. (I have stressed to my child how much I dislike this - but he does it because everyone else is doing it) 
 I could see it if they had won a game at home -you can celebrate - You are in your own house.  But when you are the away team and you win - its a slap in the face to the home team who is going to the locker room to lick their wounds. And even worse, when you are the away team and you still 'celebrate' after a loss - what are you celebrating - you just got your 'rear-end' handed to you - go to the locker room and lick your wounds; let the home team celebrate their win. 

So I happened across a blog the other day that really hit home with how I feel. I posted my thoughts on team sports a few weeks ago and then I came across this blog, I am going to post the part about sports and add the link to the whole blog. I think it is worthy of a share.

You Can Keep Your Participation Ribbon 

(Johnathan Hinshaw)

Winning Isn't Everything, It's The Only Thing

This past year my son played pop warner football for the first time ever. He started with flag football, as most children do, but soon found out that tackle football is a whole different ball game. Not only did he have to get used to getting hit, he had to learn how to tackle other players while avoiding injury. This was brand new. Everything changed when we graduated from the Pee-Wee division to the Pop Warner arena.

While other teams gave out participation prizes, our coach did not. You either won, or you lost. The only prize you would get for playing would be a checkmark in the winning column and a damn good feeling of accomplishment. Or a check mark in the losing column and lots of laps to run the next day. I loved it...

I watched as my son's team went undefeated for the entire season. They won every game they played. It was amazing. As a father, I was very proud. This team prepared to win and losing was not an option.

As we approached the playoffs, their winning streak stayed in tact. Out of the 10 games we practiced for and played, we lost zero. We were the team to beat with an undefeated record. And then...it happened. The very last game we played, our "Super Bowl", was lost. The boys were crushed. I take that back, they were devastated! After that game, as we circled up to hear the coach deliver his final speech you could see the entire team was in tears, some of them shaking and all of them crying.

My son's team had been beaten. After going undefeated all season long, they finally got to experience what it felt like to lose.

Try telling those boys that it didn't matter whether they won or lost. As the referees came by with the consolation prize (the participation ribbons) - not one child took it. Not one kid felt like that made up for the fact that they had lost the only game that really mattered.

Not all pop warner teams were like this. This was a special breed. The coach was amazing, the parents were awesome. The kids showed up to play their hearts out - they didn't want a ribbon, they wanted a win.

As a father, I appreciated how my son's coach instilled in him the value of a win. That if you put your mind to it, you could accomplish great things. But, my son also learned a very valuable life lesson... Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. My boy is learning at a very early age that it takes more than being present to succeed in this life. If you want something, you fight for it. And that creates drive!

Participation Ribbons Instill The Wrong Belief System

What are we teaching children when we give them ribbons and/or prizes just for showing up? Imagine that child as a grown up in the sales field...

"Hey Jimmy, we realize that you didn't hit any of your sales goals - but you showed up and you sure did enjoy yourself so we're going to give you that sales bonus anyways."

That will never happen! By giving participation ribbons, we're sending a message of entitlement, rather than drive or what I like to call HUSTLE.

(see full blog here)

So this story hits home - my son plays on a C hockey team and according to the tryout numbers - they aren't the best of the best at their age level - but they are a great team together. They have had a really great season so far with only 4 losses. As a mom I want them to have fun - I would be a liar if I didn't say "I want them to win" - but even more "I want THEM to WANT to win - to know how important it is to know they earned their spot and to want to be the best they can be. I want them to know that just because they played doesn't mean you get a ribbon at the end of the season. I want them to WANT the trophy and the title that goes with it. I want them to be upset when they lose because they know they can do better - and I WANT them to quit banging their sticks on the ice at away games - win or lose!


I want these boys to know that to succeed they have to put forth more effort than just showing up and screwing off. They have to have the drive to win - it will carry them further than any ribbon for coming in last - or even second.


Good Luck Cougars!!

*** End of season update ***

The PWC team won the State Hockey Tournament. 

The first time in 21 years!

Team sports

I know we are not alone on our thinking , but I also know there are a lot of people who don't share the same thoughts.

When our children ask to play team sports, we have rules. Simple rules that we require them to agree to.

1. Grades have to be kept up.

2. When you volunteer/agree to play a team sport,  you have to go to all of the practices.

3. You go to all of the games and you give it your all. 

4. You don't get to quit halfway through the season because you don't like it,  your coach or your teammates. You agreed to play a team sport and your team is counting on you. The more you practice/play the better you will get and the more playing time you will get.

 

Those are pretty basic.  We are trying to teach our kids that if you agree to something that other people are counting on you for,  you can't just quit or not show up because you don't want to or something better or more fun came along.

Sometimes,  I hate living by our "rules". There are a lot of days I would love to break our rules - but what does that teach my kids?

Darin is our youngest and last child at home.  He loves hockey and when he asked to play last year,  we knew it was going to wreak havoc on our Christmas plans and while I would love to say it is ok to miss two weekends of games and all of the practices in between, it's not. 

For one he needs all of the ice time he can get and two,  there are 15 players and 1 goalie on his team. 

That sounds like a lot,  but hockey is demanding and it takes a lot out of you (like most sports), so when one player doesn't show up, it screws with the entire team. Now think if you decide to skip a game and a couple of your teammates decide to skip the same game, it leaves a handful to try and play. It's not fair to your remaining teammates and you grow up thinking if you don't show up its 'OK', someone else can handle it. (at the same time - don't overschedule your children, where they have to pick between hockey or basketball or wrestling etc., that puts them in a position to not show up for one or the other.)

Now fast forward to being an adult  - you can't just 'not show up for work' - people are counting on you. Its the same concept and if you allow them to do it as children, you are teaching them bad behaviors that will continue when they become adults.

Maybe we are wrong, maybe we ask too much.  But why not start teaching them that life isn't all about them and that other people do count on them to be there when they say they will.

2,931 Days

This Woman

This woman taught me almost everything I know.

She taught me how to fight for myself and what I believe in. 

Be it boxing gloves in the front yard against my older sister 

or standing in front of a room full of strangers 

talking about something that is important to me 

(like teen pregnancy).

This woman taught me to learn new things.

She taught me to always want to know more. 

To know more about everything. If it is there...learn it. 

Because of this woman - I learned more than one musical instrument, 

Clarinet, keyboard, & guitar...I am not fluent in any, 

but she helped me explore those options. 

This woman taught me to read.

She taught me to enjoy reading, where you can escape to another place 

and meet new people without leaving the comfort of your own home

This woman taught me to have fun.

She taught me life is short. To 'dance like no one is watching' and if they 

are watching hope they enjoy what they see and join in. 

This woman taught me the importance of pets.

She taught me to always love my pets - because they will always be there for me.

This woman taught me to sew.

She could look at something crafty and make it happen. 

I can now sew a straight line. She taught me to do needlepoint. 

She taught me to read a pattern - not well, but if needed, I can!

This woman taught me that everyone is beautiful in their own way.

She taught me to look my best because you never know who you might meet or where. 

But even if you have a 'down' day, wear a smile. Everyone needs a smile!

This woman taught me the art of story telling.

She taught me that you have to hook the listener/reader so that when you deliver the 

final blow they want more and that the best ending to any story is 

"...and he was pulling my leg - just like I'm pulling yours!"

This woman taught me love.

She taught the importance of family and friends and that you need to have them in your life. 

She taught me to give and receive love and to believe in people 

because you never know what they may be going through themselves.

This woman taught me almost everything I know.

This woman let me call her mom!

It has been 2,931 days since I talked to mom. 

I miss hearing her voice, 

I miss her laugh and her smile. 

I miss everything about her. 

Today is the 8th January 14th since she died. 

I cannot believe it has been that long and yet it feels 

like it was yesterday that a part of  me died with her.

She wouldn't want me to dwell - so instead I wanted to share some of her. 

I hope you enjoyed it.

Happy New Year?

We spent an enjoyable evening out with some great friends,  watched the Wings win,  had a safe ride around town (thank you Allure Entertainment) that even picked our child up at the skating rink at 1am.... (how many 12 year olds get to ride around in a party bus?)

At home,  the dog is in a mad frenzy racing around like he's hyped up on something illegal. 

We clean up the usual "you left me alone" mess... brains and decapitated stuffed animals, spilled salt (which usually means the cat we don't own has been on the table). 

Daylight brings, well...light...better to see what we missed, there is a sticky mess all over the floor behind the table and foot prints everywhere. Spilled coke... that explains what Ace was all hopped up on.

I'm pretty sure the dog had one hell of a party while we were out, and we still haven't found the mystery coke can. He might regret that tomorrow.

Obesity is an issue?

OK, I know obesity is a problem. Its a huge issue. People all over are becoming more overweight and lazier everyday. I know I am in no way in the best shape of my life...in fact I'm not sure I have ever been in the best shape of my life. But that's beside the point...

So I went to my son's 6th grade parent/teacher conferences, where I met with all 9 teachers, I'm proud to say he is doing really well in school.

Well all except for PE - one of his favorite classes, and it wasn't a bad behavior or not dressing up report.

Let me start over. I met with his PE teacher who told me my son was doing great in his class, but they have started doing this cardiovascular test called PACER and my son failed miserably.
(If you are not familiar with the PACER test - basically my understanding is they run laps as many times as they can.)

So he proceeds to tell me that Darin was supposed to run a minimum of 32 - he ran 23, and that since he was unable to run the minimum of 32 laps he is on the verge of being obese and that I should really consider getting him in some activities and not just sitting around watching TV.

I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped -in fact I know it did because I had a bruise on my chin from it hitting the floor & he said, "I'm guessing by the look on your face, this is a surprise."

"Well yea, ya think...are you sure we are talking about the same person? I mean, you've seen my kid right? 5'3", 100 pounds, looks like a skinny stick."

He looks at me straight faced and says, "yes, but this test says he is overweight and on the verge of being obese"

I'm trying to hold back the hysterical laughter and ask "but you've looked at him right? and have you actually talked to him? Because he plays hockey and it just got started the first part of October, it is all he thinks about, he spends 2-3 nights a week on the ice and this is just pre-season. How much more time do you want him not sitting on the couch? Because this doesn't include his time to and from school and his bike rides to friends houses, roller blading on the weekends and street hockey"

He says, "well i'm just saying, according to these test results he really needs to be more active, obesity is a huge problem with our youth"

I'm still stunned - I mean, I know obesity is an issue, but with school lunches being, well, lacking... and me knowing how much and what he eats at home and how active he is... I think they should be worrying about some other kids that have a visible problem, not that I don't appreciate the concern... but have you seen my son?

So I smile and say "ok I will let him know that he isn't active enough and that starting tonight he is now enrolled in the program for 'the morbidly not obese, but the test says I am, boot camp.'
Are you planning to retest, I would be really interested in those results"

I asked Darin what he remembered about the PACER test and why he was only able to run 23 laps, come to find out, that was right after the weekend he twisted his ankle at the skating rink. Hmmm maybe they should talk to the kids, ask some questions before jumping to conclusions based on a poor test result. Obviously, if you are looking at a child who is not obese don't you think that would throw up a red flag and make you question what's up?

Maybe he just didn't feel like running... (said in my best Forest Gump voice)

Mary, Mary quite contrary...

My first garden - I still don't have high hopes - its only been a week and a couple of days. I don't keep things alive very well. But I can't help but be a little excited!

Day 1 - That's a strawberry plant

Day 9 - Tomato Plants (I cheated and planted already started plants)

 Cucumbers - I think!

 

 Squash?

There should be okra in here somewhere - but I can't tell if its okra or weeds

Onions - I'm positive

One of these is a weed - I'm certain..and the other one may or may not be a radish!

Strawberries - this plant in the front is the same plant from day 1!!

And a surprise, uninvited guest!