Not what I imagined

Life never seems to go in a straight path... curveballs everywhere.

At the age of 28 my husband and I decided 'hey, let's have one child together'. I had two from a previous marriage and he had one... why not tie us all together.

My only rule... he has to be here before I'm 30.  He was due December 24th...a Christmas baby and 11 days before my 30th birthday. But like my other two...he couldn't wait to grace the world with his presence... and 3 weeks early on December 5...I was blessed with another amazing beautiful baby...who I fell in love with the second I saw him... perfect in everyway. His sister (12) and brother (10 for two more weeks) were totally smitten with him. He was the most babied baby ever.

Fast forward 15 years... this child is now a towering 6'1", 145lb boy. He loves all sports, but his heart is in hockey...a game he got a late start in ...but caught on quickly. His team has won two SD State Championships at the Peewee C level and the Bantam B level.

He is handsome and carries  himself proud. A little shy, quiet, but the girls seem to like him and the feeling is mutual.

Somewhere along the way... he lost his way... he found the world of weed...and alcohol... and got caught up in it... and when you throw in some heartbreak he found himself spiraling down a dark tunnel... unable to get back out. Depression had sunk its teeth in...and wasn't letting go.

He found himself with a loaded pistol to his head... trying to decide what to do...I may never know what he was thinking...or if the sound of the garage door opening when I got home pulled him out of this dark...just long enough for him to put the gun down...it wasnt until 2 days later I found out what was going on that night when I got home...

And when he said "I should have pulled the trigger" I froze... my thought immediately went to the vivid picture of my grandpa found in his car behind the gas station in a small town in TX.

My fingers wouldn't work... I had to call someone... 911...maybe they would know what to do.

And they did... they knew he needed help.  Someone who knows how to handle this.  This was over mom's head... way over. I was too emotionally attached... and all I could think about was how my mom handled the death of her dad... I found myself sinking into the dark confines of the 'what ifs' and 'how do we move forward' and many thoughts of 'how could I have missed this' but I had to be strong.  Anything I was feeling was not as strong as what he felt when he held a loaded pistol to his head... when he was thinking that was the last option.

I will never know what might have happened if I hadn't gotten home right when I did. Its something I spend my days trying not to think about.

For now, I have my baby back... and I will do everything in my power to help him heal... to help him know he is not alone.

It's so easy to say "if you feel like..." or " if you're thinking about...", but when someone gets to that point it may be too late for them to reach out... they may be not be able to find their way through the dark to get help.  Be their light. Hold their hand and walk with them.

It's not okay

On Twitter, there is a hashtag for #notok, started by @kellyoxford. It was started to get women telling their stories about when they were sexually assaulted.

It's very interesting and made me think about my life...

While I have never been raped or drugged against my will, it made me think about some situations I found myself in and never really thought much about it. Most of them I have written off as young and dumb and putting myself in situations where I should not have been,

Growing up we lived on a busy highway, and a lot of vehicles went by. In the summer my sister and I mowed the lawn, there wasn't a time that went by that we did not get honked at by some old creepy truck driver who liked seeing us in our swimsuits or short shorts. It was the 80's. Looking back now, I know it was #notok, but being 13, it was flattering knowing that older men found me hot.

When I was 14, I spent a lot of time at the skating rink and met a lot of people. Most that I considered friends, there was this one guy that was cute but he always seemed like a player so I would never date him. One day I was at the mall with some friends and all of a sudden someone came up behind me and grabbed my hips and bit my ass. It left a bruise and hurt for days. I turned around and smacked him. I laughed it off at the time but I know that it was #notok. How dare he think he could do that.

When I was 15, my mom let me go to the county fair with a family friend. He started coming around to see my older sister, he was a few years older than my sister, so that made him about 6 years older than me, but my mom and dad really liked him and he was like an older brother to me. (He still is) But on this night we went to the fair on his motorcycle and when we were leaving he told me I had to give him a kiss or he wouldn't give me a ride home. I was worried I would be stuck 15 miles from home with no way to call my parents for a ride and I didn't want to let them know what he said. So I kissed him. It was a nice kiss but weird too, I mean I considered him a brother, but it started being the norm if we went anywhere. Kisses are all it was, but it was a bribe to take me back home every time. I knew it was #notok but he was like family. We are still friends and I adore him. We have discussed it and he said he was a creep and that he was glad I never let him go further.

At 15, I was home sick from school one day (I had started my period) and a friend had missed the bus and was walking to school. He saw my car at home and stopped to see if I was there and if he could get a ride. When I told him I wasn't going he stayed there with me, we watched TV and hung out and made out a little and at one point we were wrestling around and he held me on the floor and (I don't know what it is called) but he used a knuckle on his finger and tapped on my chest and told me to name 10 candy bars. I don't know about you, but in that situation where you can't get away and you are struggling against someone you lose the ability to think and I was panicking. I had a bruise on my chest above my breasts about the size of a grapefruit. I remember starting to cry and begging him to let me go. I was so angry. He left and I don't think I have ever talked to him again. That was #notok, I felt so hopeless. At the time I was angry that he did that, but I now know it could have been so much worse if he had wanted it to be. I believe it is this that causes me to have some anxiety issues.

When I was 23, I frequented a little bar. I made friends with all of the bartenders and bouncers. There was this group of Mexicans (that could not speak English very well) that went in on the weekends, One of them would never leave me alone and one night I had, had enough of him groping me and told the bouncer I was leaving. When I went outside, this guy followed me and was begging me to stay and kiss him and he was still trying to grope me. I went back inside and asked the bouncer to walk me to my car. He did and I never saw those guys at the bar again. But, I think about what if I had not gone back inside and tried to ignore the guy who would not take NO for an answer. 

Elections suck!!

I'm sick of elections. I can't stand them.

I used to enjoy the whole process, but it makes me sick now.

I don't want to pick a candidate based on who can bash the other better. I want them to tell me what they are going to do to fix the problems with are facing.

Let the news sources dig up the dirt, let the voters research through it and base their opinions on it. Otherwise the candidates should focus on what they will do once they are in office.

So I am not voting for Clinton or Trump... And a lot of people tell me it's a wasted vote. But I would rather throw my vote away than vote for people that make my skin crawl. Neither of them deserve to be in office, they are both crooked, they are both jerks...

So my wasted vote is going to Gary Johnson. I'm proud of this decision and I can live with it. Even if it does not get Gary Johnson elected I will know I voted what I felt was right.

I wish that all of the people who don't want to pick the lesser of two evils, would vote 3rd party. But I keep hearing that there is no chance a 3rd party candidate will win.

Here's a thought... If all of the people who don't want to vote Republican or Democrat vote Independent... You would be surprised at the impact it would have... Possibly make it so there were not enough delegates for Trump or Clinton to be named POTUS. It would show them that we are sick of the bullshit and that we want real change.

Join me in being the change.

Revamp

I'm revamping my blog.

At the suggestion of a friend I've changed the name... Thanks Jessica!

So beware, anything and everything is possible.

I love to cuss... An occasional fuck, shit or damn may will happen.

Get used to it. People who know me, know I'm not for the faint of heart.

Opening up - It's a tough life!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

I have a few new followers across all of my social media accounts - so I think now is a great time to reintroduce myself, for those that know me and those that don't.

This month is National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Stayteen  work together to bring this topic to the forefront. Their websites are full of information and an online quiz to see how knowledgeable teens (and even parents) are in different situations. You can find helpful talking points to talk to your kids about sex and relationships.

Stayteen Quiz - Find out what you know!

The National Campaign 

There are a ton of resources, you can even see where your State ranks.

Check it out  - and read below to see why this is important to me!

Teen Pregnancy Prevention is a hot button for me. It should be a hot button for everyone.

I'm not talking hyped-up reality TV shows...Im talking real life - in the now, reality life.

If you know me at all - you know that I have kids. When I meet new people, they are surprised to hear I have three kids, - because I only have one left at home, which means two either live with someone else, or they are grown. Both are true, they are both grown, both living with significant others. I am often told "You don't look old enough to have grown kids" Well technically - I'm not!

So lets back up - start from the beginning.

        

                               (9th grade yearbook picture)                              (Barbizon School of Modeling)

I was a promiscuous teenager. That is hard to admit, knowing one of my dads or my kids could be reading this (even though they know most of it - I'm very open). But I know the only way to prevent is to admit and let them know why you don't want that for them, what your expectations are and why you should have open discussions.

So, at 15, I was dating my 'true love' - again (or maybe I should say, the next one). I had just graduated from the Barbizon School of Modeling, things were going great. I celebrated my 16th birthday -  by finding out I was pregnant. We (the dad and I) were ecstatic (you know as much as two idiot teenagers could be) and scared to death. All we knew is that we wanted to get married and have a beautiful little family and live in the castle with the white picket fence, happily ever after... (oh, sorry, got sidetracked, wrong story). I had no desire to tell my parents. I basically buried my head in the sand - until my mom confronted me with a pregnancy test at home.

In May of 1990, I became the 16 year old wife of a 17 year old boy (against my parents wishes). We both had to have our parents permission. (That should have been the first sign - but we threatened them with running away.)

(5 months pregnant)

In July 1990, we moved out of my parents basement, we got to spend one night in our very own house. That night I went into premature labor. I spent a week in the hospital trying to get the labor to stop and then I was sent back to my mom's house to be on bed rest for the next 2 months. That lasted one week, and my water broke. (Her due date was September 12, 1990 she was born July 27)

My daughter (Lisa) was born 7 weeks pre-mature. She weighed 5 lbs. 2 oz. and  was 17 3/4" long. She spent 24 hours under an oxygen tent because her lungs were not developed and 2 weeks in the hospital because she would not eat. We were lucky, many premature babies are in the hospital for months.

* Interesting tidbit - There were I believe 17 girls pregnant at my high school, the year I was pregnant with my daughter.

     

                                                       (Lisa - 24 hours old)                                     (1 month old - the dress was a preemie size)

We were finally back in our own house, living a dream? Or whatever you wanted to call it. He hated working, I hated being home by myself with a baby, knowing all of my friends were at school having a blast. I started school again - I made it from the beginning of September to the end of October. I only had classes in the morning and my mom watched Lisa while I went. He hated me going to school - he thought I was going to meet someone I liked better. So to save the fight I quit again.

He was working in the oil field - 7 days on, 3 days off, rotating shifts. The rig fell over and the job ended. To try to make ends meet - he decided to try his hand at selling drugs (not a lucrative career choice)

We moved across the US - from NM to AL. Shortly after getting there - I found out I was pregnant again. His mom and I did not see eye to eye and after 4 months, I said I was leaving, he could come with or not. We moved to TX for a few months, where my grandparents lived, they helped us both get our GED's. Things were looking up,  but right before I was due, I decided I needed my mom, so back to NM we went.

My son (Thomas) was  born in December 1991, 17 months after my daughter. He was 3 weeks early and weighed 7 lbs and was 21" long. I was 3 weeks shy of being 18. (Due January 4, 1992, born December 19, 1991)

*Interesting fact - 1991 the teen birth rate was at an all time high.You can check the statistics on the Natonal Campaigns website (above)

(Thomas - 1 month old)

So I found myself with two kids before I turned 18 and in an unhappy marriage. It didn't last much longer. I divorced him when I was 19.  We have one family picture. We argued the entire way to the studio.

(1993 - taken after we got divorced - 

I wanted the kids to have at least one happy family picture - 

we nailed it right?)

You could say that I grew up with them (Lisa and Thomas). They saved my life, (They have no idea how true that statement is). I was a kid raising kids. We spent 6 years on our own. Learning, growing, screwing up and figuring out how to fix it. We loved, we hated, we yelled and then we loved each other some more.
I wouldn't trade it for the world.

(1993 - Shortly after I filed for divorce)

I was not the perfect mom - I worked a lot (I had to) and they spent a lot of time with my mom and dad. There was a time when if I wasn't working, I was at the bar, trying to catch up on what I missed and being a normal 20+ year old. I was not normal - when I went home - I still had to be mom.
We survived.

In 2000, I got married and in 2002 I had my third and final child (Darin), 1 month before I turned 30. He was born 3 weeks early and weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and was 21" long.

* Once you have a premature baby, you are at a higher risk to continue having them early. My body starts kicking them out around 7-8 months along. Making it to 37 weeks was huge deal! Due December 24, born December 5)

(This is my youngest - the last, the baby)

(2004)

(2009 - Me and all three kids)

So it is 2016 - We beat the odds. I just have to get my youngest through school and I will have success and will have broke the stereotype (in my case anyway) that teen parents breed teen parents.

My daughter is successful at her job for the TX Department of Corrections as the Unit Risk Manager for her location. She is 25 and I couldn't be more proud of her.

My oldest son is a recruiter for the National Guard in Washington. He is 24 and has served overseas and continues to make me proud every day.

My youngest - well he's 13 and plays a lot of hockey. We still have a few years to get through and I can only hope I am as successful with him as the other two. Open communication is key. Talk to your kids, often, once is not enough. Ask questions, answer questions, don't jump to conclusions.

So far I've made it past my age limit of 40+ before I'm a grandma - I upped it to 45 this year, 48 would be ideal!

So there you have it - a small glimpse in my life.

Now go have your teens take the quiz!

You take take the quiz  - you might be surprised at what you don't know!

#stayteen #nationalcampaign #teenpregnancy #reallife

Like sister, like brother?

So funny story, when my daughter Lisa was about 7 the daycare she was going to took all of the kids to the county fair.
That night at supper my mom was asking her questions, the conversation went like this

Mom "did you see the animals?"
Lisa "nope"
We all gave her strange looks knowing that at the county fair there were usually animals.
Mom "did you go to the barn?"
Lisa "yep"
Mom "but you didn't see any animals?"
Lisa "No, there weren't any animals there"
Mom "So you didn't see any cows?"
Lisa "Yes, I saw some cows"
Mom "So you saw the animals"
Lisa "No"

We all got a kick out of and still do.

So, fast forward a few years. Darin is 12, he goes to the fair to hang out with a few friends. That evening I asked him a few questions.

Me "Did you see very many people?"
Darin "No"
Me "Nobody was there?"
Darin "There were people"
Me "Did you see anyone you know?"
Darin "No"
Me "You didn't see any of your friends?"
Darin "Well yea"
Me "So you saw people you know? "
Darin "No"
Me "Who did you hang out with? "
He lists off about 10 people

I felt like I asked "who's on first?"

What happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say...Don't say anything at all"?

I grew up hearing this...my mom preached it to us. There were stretches where my older sister wouldn't talk for weeks and when we would ask why she would say "I didn't have anything nice to say"

Those days are gone... I think they disappear when you hit 18 and you don't have to listen to your mom anymore. I think everyone needs to step back and remember those words.

There are a few key topics I keep hearing about in the media - everyone's panties are in a twist - and if yours aren't, then you know someone who's are. We all know someone who feels strongly about something and they really like to push it on everyone else.

Two of those topics are:
Gay Marriage
The Confederate Flag

Gay Marriage

If they are not forcing you to watch or be in the bedroom with them, Why should this matter? I know what the bible says - but if you cannot argue your point without throwing what the bible says in, then I don't want to hear it. I want to know what YOU see wrong with it...without mention of the bible or scripture. I know how God felt.

Two men or two women getting married is not going to invalidate your vows or marriage - if it does - then maybe you need to be looking at your marriage instead of telling someone else they can't do it.

Marriage IMO - is not a RIGHT - it is an honor and a privilege. That is something no one should be able to take away from someone else that is willing to commit themselves to another. It is an honor to be able to marry the person you love.

I want everyone to have the same opportunities as any straight couple. Shared healthcare, shared taxes - you know all those things that you need that little piece of paper to do. Who are you to say they shouldn't?

Bible aside - what if someone told you - You cannot marry someone with the same eye color as you (or you could only marry someone with the same eye color). You can't change your eye color because you were born with those genes - you have no control over it, right? Then how is it fair to keep people who were born gay to not be married? You were born straight - I was born straight - I knew from the start I liked boys (and the number of times I got caught playing chase/kiss around the trees in elementary school was a sure sign). I knew - I liked boys and as I grew older - I liked MEN.
Being gay is not a disease - it is not transferred by touch or breathing the same air, and not every gay man is automatically attracted to every other man. Just like every man is not attracted to every woman. Everyone has a personal preference!

The Confederate Flag

I am from the South - Born in Texas, raised in Texas and New Mexico. Maybe they teach things different in the South - I grew up watching Gone With The Wind and wishing I was more like Scarlett O'Hara! I grew watching The Dukes of Hazard and thinking "Damn, Bo Duke is fine!" I never associated the flag on their car with slavery or my 'of color' friends - but maybe that's because I'm white. What's that called "White Privilege" or some BS term.

I don't consider myself racist  - I'm sure I've said racist things - or things that could be considered racist, after all I'm not allowed to be proud and white. I'm not even allowed to be white - I get to be Caucasian or color challenged.

I don't believe the Confederate flag is the problem - If you can allow a piece of material to have so much hold over your life, maybe you need therapy. None of us that are alive today were slaves, none of us were slave owners. You are not being oppressed because of something that happened to your ancestors - just like I am not some rich plantation owner in the South like my ancestors.
The fact that people today feel that they have any right to be offended by a flag that did nothing to them is sickening. It's a piece of material.

Does the flag represent heritage? I don't see how...I think it represents sticking it to the man - being rebellious - Look at Bo and Luke Duke - they were rebels - but never once in any of the episodes do I remember them being racist. They were southern boys who were rebellious and sticking up for what they believed in . That is how I view the Confederate flag.

Wrong - quite possibly - I see things everyday that I don't like - I don't like sleeveless shirts on overweight men, I don't like seeing ass crack on anyone, or wanna be thugs with their underwear hanging out - do I throw a hissy fit and demand for those people to be sent packing? No I either voice my opinion and walk away or I walk away.

Everyone is so sensitive today - Maybe its all the drugs that everyone is on anymore. We've made a nation of sissy's - Everyone is offended, no one is happy - no one wants to be accountable for their own actions - they all want to place blame somewhere else - "oh my life sucks because my ancestors were slaves... "
Did anyone ever think that maybe 'Your life is what you make it' - If you are allowing your life to suck - you have no one to blame but yourself.

Why don't we all pick a soapbox that actually matters - maybe feeding the hungry in our country - or making sure that the kids in the system or that are homeless actually have a real home to go to everyday.

Come on people - One Nation...

Participation vs. Winning

*** Edited March 2015 ***

I love watching my kids do anything they enjoy - currently my youngest and last at home is into hockey - he loves it. 
The team does something that drives me crazy though and seems a little disrespectful - but I think I am the only parent who sees it that way. Whether they are playing at home or away, whether they win or lose, at the end of the game they all go to the middle of the ice and 'celebrate'  banging their sticks on the ice. (I have stressed to my child how much I dislike this - but he does it because everyone else is doing it) 
 I could see it if they had won a game at home -you can celebrate - You are in your own house.  But when you are the away team and you win - its a slap in the face to the home team who is going to the locker room to lick their wounds. And even worse, when you are the away team and you still 'celebrate' after a loss - what are you celebrating - you just got your 'rear-end' handed to you - go to the locker room and lick your wounds; let the home team celebrate their win. 

So I happened across a blog the other day that really hit home with how I feel. I posted my thoughts on team sports a few weeks ago and then I came across this blog, I am going to post the part about sports and add the link to the whole blog. I think it is worthy of a share.

You Can Keep Your Participation Ribbon 

(Johnathan Hinshaw)

Winning Isn't Everything, It's The Only Thing

This past year my son played pop warner football for the first time ever. He started with flag football, as most children do, but soon found out that tackle football is a whole different ball game. Not only did he have to get used to getting hit, he had to learn how to tackle other players while avoiding injury. This was brand new. Everything changed when we graduated from the Pee-Wee division to the Pop Warner arena.

While other teams gave out participation prizes, our coach did not. You either won, or you lost. The only prize you would get for playing would be a checkmark in the winning column and a damn good feeling of accomplishment. Or a check mark in the losing column and lots of laps to run the next day. I loved it...

I watched as my son's team went undefeated for the entire season. They won every game they played. It was amazing. As a father, I was very proud. This team prepared to win and losing was not an option.

As we approached the playoffs, their winning streak stayed in tact. Out of the 10 games we practiced for and played, we lost zero. We were the team to beat with an undefeated record. And then...it happened. The very last game we played, our "Super Bowl", was lost. The boys were crushed. I take that back, they were devastated! After that game, as we circled up to hear the coach deliver his final speech you could see the entire team was in tears, some of them shaking and all of them crying.

My son's team had been beaten. After going undefeated all season long, they finally got to experience what it felt like to lose.

Try telling those boys that it didn't matter whether they won or lost. As the referees came by with the consolation prize (the participation ribbons) - not one child took it. Not one kid felt like that made up for the fact that they had lost the only game that really mattered.

Not all pop warner teams were like this. This was a special breed. The coach was amazing, the parents were awesome. The kids showed up to play their hearts out - they didn't want a ribbon, they wanted a win.

As a father, I appreciated how my son's coach instilled in him the value of a win. That if you put your mind to it, you could accomplish great things. But, my son also learned a very valuable life lesson... Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. My boy is learning at a very early age that it takes more than being present to succeed in this life. If you want something, you fight for it. And that creates drive!

Participation Ribbons Instill The Wrong Belief System

What are we teaching children when we give them ribbons and/or prizes just for showing up? Imagine that child as a grown up in the sales field...

"Hey Jimmy, we realize that you didn't hit any of your sales goals - but you showed up and you sure did enjoy yourself so we're going to give you that sales bonus anyways."

That will never happen! By giving participation ribbons, we're sending a message of entitlement, rather than drive or what I like to call HUSTLE.

(see full blog here)

So this story hits home - my son plays on a C hockey team and according to the tryout numbers - they aren't the best of the best at their age level - but they are a great team together. They have had a really great season so far with only 4 losses. As a mom I want them to have fun - I would be a liar if I didn't say "I want them to win" - but even more "I want THEM to WANT to win - to know how important it is to know they earned their spot and to want to be the best they can be. I want them to know that just because they played doesn't mean you get a ribbon at the end of the season. I want them to WANT the trophy and the title that goes with it. I want them to be upset when they lose because they know they can do better - and I WANT them to quit banging their sticks on the ice at away games - win or lose!


I want these boys to know that to succeed they have to put forth more effort than just showing up and screwing off. They have to have the drive to win - it will carry them further than any ribbon for coming in last - or even second.


Good Luck Cougars!!

*** End of season update ***

The PWC team won the State Hockey Tournament. 

The first time in 21 years!

Team sports

I know we are not alone on our thinking , but I also know there are a lot of people who don't share the same thoughts.

When our children ask to play team sports, we have rules. Simple rules that we require them to agree to.

1. Grades have to be kept up.

2. When you volunteer/agree to play a team sport,  you have to go to all of the practices.

3. You go to all of the games and you give it your all. 

4. You don't get to quit halfway through the season because you don't like it,  your coach or your teammates. You agreed to play a team sport and your team is counting on you. The more you practice/play the better you will get and the more playing time you will get.

 

Those are pretty basic.  We are trying to teach our kids that if you agree to something that other people are counting on you for,  you can't just quit or not show up because you don't want to or something better or more fun came along.

Sometimes,  I hate living by our "rules". There are a lot of days I would love to break our rules - but what does that teach my kids?

Darin is our youngest and last child at home.  He loves hockey and when he asked to play last year,  we knew it was going to wreak havoc on our Christmas plans and while I would love to say it is ok to miss two weekends of games and all of the practices in between, it's not. 

For one he needs all of the ice time he can get and two,  there are 15 players and 1 goalie on his team. 

That sounds like a lot,  but hockey is demanding and it takes a lot out of you (like most sports), so when one player doesn't show up, it screws with the entire team. Now think if you decide to skip a game and a couple of your teammates decide to skip the same game, it leaves a handful to try and play. It's not fair to your remaining teammates and you grow up thinking if you don't show up its 'OK', someone else can handle it. (at the same time - don't overschedule your children, where they have to pick between hockey or basketball or wrestling etc., that puts them in a position to not show up for one or the other.)

Now fast forward to being an adult  - you can't just 'not show up for work' - people are counting on you. Its the same concept and if you allow them to do it as children, you are teaching them bad behaviors that will continue when they become adults.

Maybe we are wrong, maybe we ask too much.  But why not start teaching them that life isn't all about them and that other people do count on them to be there when they say they will.

2,931 Days

This Woman

This woman taught me almost everything I know.

She taught me how to fight for myself and what I believe in. 

Be it boxing gloves in the front yard against my older sister 

or standing in front of a room full of strangers 

talking about something that is important to me 

(like teen pregnancy).

This woman taught me to learn new things.

She taught me to always want to know more. 

To know more about everything. If it is there...learn it. 

Because of this woman - I learned more than one musical instrument, 

Clarinet, keyboard, & guitar...I am not fluent in any, 

but she helped me explore those options. 

This woman taught me to read.

She taught me to enjoy reading, where you can escape to another place 

and meet new people without leaving the comfort of your own home

This woman taught me to have fun.

She taught me life is short. To 'dance like no one is watching' and if they 

are watching hope they enjoy what they see and join in. 

This woman taught me the importance of pets.

She taught me to always love my pets - because they will always be there for me.

This woman taught me to sew.

She could look at something crafty and make it happen. 

I can now sew a straight line. She taught me to do needlepoint. 

She taught me to read a pattern - not well, but if needed, I can!

This woman taught me that everyone is beautiful in their own way.

She taught me to look my best because you never know who you might meet or where. 

But even if you have a 'down' day, wear a smile. Everyone needs a smile!

This woman taught me the art of story telling.

She taught me that you have to hook the listener/reader so that when you deliver the 

final blow they want more and that the best ending to any story is 

"...and he was pulling my leg - just like I'm pulling yours!"

This woman taught me love.

She taught the importance of family and friends and that you need to have them in your life. 

She taught me to give and receive love and to believe in people 

because you never know what they may be going through themselves.

This woman taught me almost everything I know.

This woman let me call her mom!

It has been 2,931 days since I talked to mom. 

I miss hearing her voice, 

I miss her laugh and her smile. 

I miss everything about her. 

Today is the 8th January 14th since she died. 

I cannot believe it has been that long and yet it feels 

like it was yesterday that a part of  me died with her.

She wouldn't want me to dwell - so instead I wanted to share some of her. 

I hope you enjoyed it.

Happy New Year?

We spent an enjoyable evening out with some great friends,  watched the Wings win,  had a safe ride around town (thank you Allure Entertainment) that even picked our child up at the skating rink at 1am.... (how many 12 year olds get to ride around in a party bus?)

At home,  the dog is in a mad frenzy racing around like he's hyped up on something illegal. 

We clean up the usual "you left me alone" mess... brains and decapitated stuffed animals, spilled salt (which usually means the cat we don't own has been on the table). 

Daylight brings, well...light...better to see what we missed, there is a sticky mess all over the floor behind the table and foot prints everywhere. Spilled coke... that explains what Ace was all hopped up on.

I'm pretty sure the dog had one hell of a party while we were out, and we still haven't found the mystery coke can. He might regret that tomorrow.

Obesity is an issue?

OK, I know obesity is a problem. Its a huge issue. People all over are becoming more overweight and lazier everyday. I know I am in no way in the best shape of my life...in fact I'm not sure I have ever been in the best shape of my life. But that's beside the point...

So I went to my son's 6th grade parent/teacher conferences, where I met with all 9 teachers, I'm proud to say he is doing really well in school.

Well all except for PE - one of his favorite classes, and it wasn't a bad behavior or not dressing up report.

Let me start over. I met with his PE teacher who told me my son was doing great in his class, but they have started doing this cardiovascular test called PACER and my son failed miserably.
(If you are not familiar with the PACER test - basically my understanding is they run laps as many times as they can.)

So he proceeds to tell me that Darin was supposed to run a minimum of 32 - he ran 23, and that since he was unable to run the minimum of 32 laps he is on the verge of being obese and that I should really consider getting him in some activities and not just sitting around watching TV.

I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped -in fact I know it did because I had a bruise on my chin from it hitting the floor & he said, "I'm guessing by the look on your face, this is a surprise."

"Well yea, ya think...are you sure we are talking about the same person? I mean, you've seen my kid right? 5'3", 100 pounds, looks like a skinny stick."

He looks at me straight faced and says, "yes, but this test says he is overweight and on the verge of being obese"

I'm trying to hold back the hysterical laughter and ask "but you've looked at him right? and have you actually talked to him? Because he plays hockey and it just got started the first part of October, it is all he thinks about, he spends 2-3 nights a week on the ice and this is just pre-season. How much more time do you want him not sitting on the couch? Because this doesn't include his time to and from school and his bike rides to friends houses, roller blading on the weekends and street hockey"

He says, "well i'm just saying, according to these test results he really needs to be more active, obesity is a huge problem with our youth"

I'm still stunned - I mean, I know obesity is an issue, but with school lunches being, well, lacking... and me knowing how much and what he eats at home and how active he is... I think they should be worrying about some other kids that have a visible problem, not that I don't appreciate the concern... but have you seen my son?

So I smile and say "ok I will let him know that he isn't active enough and that starting tonight he is now enrolled in the program for 'the morbidly not obese, but the test says I am, boot camp.'
Are you planning to retest, I would be really interested in those results"

I asked Darin what he remembered about the PACER test and why he was only able to run 23 laps, come to find out, that was right after the weekend he twisted his ankle at the skating rink. Hmmm maybe they should talk to the kids, ask some questions before jumping to conclusions based on a poor test result. Obviously, if you are looking at a child who is not obese don't you think that would throw up a red flag and make you question what's up?

Maybe he just didn't feel like running... (said in my best Forest Gump voice)

Mary, Mary quite contrary...

My first garden - I still don't have high hopes - its only been a week and a couple of days. I don't keep things alive very well. But I can't help but be a little excited!

Day 1 - That's a strawberry plant

Day 9 - Tomato Plants (I cheated and planted already started plants)

 Cucumbers - I think!

 

 Squash?

There should be okra in here somewhere - but I can't tell if its okra or weeds

Onions - I'm positive

One of these is a weed - I'm certain..and the other one may or may not be a radish!

Strawberries - this plant in the front is the same plant from day 1!!

And a surprise, uninvited guest!

I discovered something yesterday that I've known all my life!

While doing some research for work yesterday - I discovered that there is a day dedicated solely to 'The Middle Child" - It is August 12 and I thought to myself - 'hmmm, Why is this such a big deal?"

And then I remembered the story I have been told since I was 7 years old and my parents brought my baby sister home and the first words I said when I met her were "Guess I'm just the middle kid now".

It holds true to what I know - There are hundreds of pictures of my older sister and thousands of my little sister - and a handful of me. There are quite a few that have me in them, but only because one of my other sisters was in it as well.

But you know - I never let being the middle child hold me back! While my older sister led the charge and got caught for all the things she did - I quietly sat back, took notes, and learned - "Don't get caught and all will be good"
I was the negotiator - My sister wanted to go out (now mind you there are 2 years, 6 months, 2 days, and approximately 12 hours between us - and I should not have been hanging out with her where she liked to go), but as the negotiator, it went like this:
Me: "Mom,  D wants to know if she can go out cruising?"
Mom: "Dana, Why didn't she ask herself?"
Me: "Well, she said if I asked - I could go too"
You could see the bulb go on - because mom knew that while I was the negotiator - I also could not tell lies very well - so she knew that if she let us go out cruising - that she would find out what all we actually did, it was a win-win for her.
So we would go - and we would get home late and make up this wonderful story as to why we were late and we would practice it and rehearse it till I was blue in the face and the next morning when mom would ask me why we were late and I would tell her this perfectly rehearsed story she would look at me and say "Now Dana, Why were you guys really late?" and I would burst into tears and tell her the real story, which usually wound up getting my sister grounded and me in the doghouse - really!

Because we had one of these and I knew when I had made her mad.

Being the middle kid - wasn't so bad though - when I made the older sister mad - I knew I could turn to my little sister who thought I was awesome - maybe not - but it's nice to dream! Right?

I did eventually get careless and get caught - I finally did something first before my older sister - Three things actually - Had kids, got married and divorced, and married again - all first, in fact, all before she got married once! It's not something I recommend racing for though.

As the middle child, I wore many hats - I was the negotiator, the antagonizer (who would start something and walk away), and eventually the peacekeeper. How could I keep the peace if I didn't antagonize? Usually, arguments were between my older sister and me. As the oldest, she had it figured out how to get people to do what she wanted and at some point, I caught on to this game and started resisting. She didn't like that and would then threaten to take something away - like going out with her. (Although I knew she couldn't go without me - I didn't want to risk it) so we would argue and I would give in because after all, I don't do arguments well.

My mom never admitted to it - but I know deep down that I was her favorite - How could I not be! I was the good kid! (*Insert evil laugh here) Anyone that knows me can tell you many stories otherwise!

This is very much me! Although I am not insecure about much (other than the way I look sometimes)

I'm throwing this one on here because I see all three of my kids in it!

So middle kids Unite!! - On August 12th Celebrate with me!

January 4th, 2014

Things I never anticipated 20 years ago for the 1st anniversary of my 20th birthday.

1) I never planned on moving further North.

2) I thought I was never getting remarried...

3) ...or having more kids!

4) Living so far away from both of my older kids. They are both so much more independent than I was at 20. I could not imagine not having my mom just across town.

5) Not having my mom around. Today marks the 7th anniversary of the stroke that ultimately took her life while fighting cancer.

6) Having a child that plays, eats and sleeps hockey... Who would have ever guessed that?

7) Having a job I love! At 20 I was delivering pizza and trying to support two kids...now I am an office assistant/marketing coordinator for the best HVAC company in Aberdeen.

8) Spending my 2nd 20th birthday in a freezing cold hockey arena...

9) ...and then going back to Aberdeen to spend more time in a hockey arena to watch the best NAHL hockey team play and enjoying time with friends!

10) But most of all I did not anticipate so many damn albino hairs on my head! Seriously what cruel punishment!

Another year...has come and gone...

2013 has had its ups and downs...

January -

I had a birthday...unfortunately I'm having another one in a couple of days...its a doozy...I will be 20 (x2)!

April - 

Darin and I went to  Mitchell, SD for the SD Camera Club Round up. We loved it..and the best part - Darin got to go to his first rock concert! Hairball! They are totally awesome.

Darin got to meet one of three lead singers! Rockstar Bob

Happy

You can see more pictures from that day here!

May thru July -

Darin played baseball all summer...

August - 

We took a trip to the cities...we stayed at the Water Park of America, spent a day at Valley Fair (its like six flags), a day at a Twins baseball game and some time at the Mall of America.

Darin body surfing.

Running from dinosaurs!

I told him "See the ball...Be the ball..."

They caught a practice ball

You can see more pictures here!

When we got home Lisapalooza started. Lisa came and spent two weeks with us and I loved it. I'm pretty sure we are too boring for her though...but we did treat her to the Brown County Fair... Best county fair I've ever been to. I was sad for Lisa to go...but apparently at some point work expects you to come back and they wanted her back in Texas.

Waiting for one of the 3 nights of concerts to start.

September - 

I took Darin to his 2nd rock concert. it was a 4 for 1...

Vital Signz, Core, Great White & Quiet Riot

Darin with his guitar picks!

You can see the album here!

October - 

We look forward to winter for one reason - Hockey. When we moved here we were invited to a Wings hockey game and fell in love with it. It is the only thing that makes these frigid temperatures worth dealing with.

A picture of myself, Daniel Billet and Darin with a jersey that was auctioned off to benefit Safe Harbor.

Halloween brought us a rockstar.

We decided to let Darin try hockey one Saturday morning when they offered a free clinic. The boy had never been on ice skates before. When we left that morning he had already decided he wanted to play.

Hockey is now consuming my life! There are days when we feel like we live at the hockey rink. Three nights a week and Saturday morning...so much for sleeping in and that is just practice...games are just getting started! I love hockey and Darin has finally found a sport he really likes...I had no idea it was going to be so consuming...or cold. I really think they should add better heating systems to the rinks - I can hook them up - seriously (I think it's why I'm spoiled - I work for a heating and cooling company)!

November - 

Thanksgiving found us in Rapid City to see Robby's dad, sister and her family. It was a really great visit.
We went site seeing one day...

They were closed - That sucked.

I finally got to see the 4 dudes on a rock.

It's a goat..or a sheep...or something!

On the way home we met up with some people that were trying to rehome some dachshund puppies. Its been over a year and I decided I was ready for another pet..I wish I had remembered how hard potty training a puppy was.

Meet - Ace, Ace Frehley

AKA: The Flying Ace, Acer, Acehole (only when I'm irritated with him lol)

Peanut and Piglet - He has no idea what his name is!

December - 

With Darin's hockey schedule we opted to stay in South Dakota for Christmas. Its the first time since we moved up here. We are planning a trip this summer to go see everyone.

So that brings you to today...I received my much anticipated passport today... So I can skip the country...its what a 20 (x2) year old does right?

This will work!

Yep definitely!

Dominican Republic 2014